Posted on: 20 April, 2004

Author: Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC

It’s been said that one of the problems ... couples have today is that men tend tochoose their wives the same way they choose ... or ... get the best one ... and hope thatt It’s been said that one of the problems thatmarried couples have today is that men tend tochoose their wives the same way they choose theircars or trucks.They get the best one available and hope thatthere’s not much maintenance down the road.While this may occasionally be true, there arecertain practices that married couples must followin order to avoid adding to a divorce rate thathovers around 50%. These are practices that areessential not only for the success of theirmarriage, they are essential for the well-being ofour children.In Maggie Gallagher’s book, “The Abolition ofMarriage,” she states that, “Half of all childrenwill witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage.Of these, close to half will also see the breakupof a parent’s second marriage.”Can we possibly continue with a system that allowshalf of our children to witness the breakup oftheir parent’s marriage? Is a divorce rate near50% enough to have us consider new ideas about howwe decide about marriage and divorce?One logical place to start is to educate peopleabout the qualities of a successful marriage.We can’t be effective when we educate them twomonths before they marry. Emotional intelligenceskills and relationship skills must be taught toour young people early in life.When we do teach them about successful relationships, we should include these qualities:1.Commitment—According to one definition,“commitment is a freely chosen inner resolve tofollow through with a course even thoughdifficulty arises. How do we show our childrenwhat to do when difficulty arises? Do we move towhere the grass is greener? Commitment is a dailydiscipline. It’s the core from which we respond todifficulty. It’s what makes our lives richer anddeeper.2.Emotional Awareness—If we know what’s reallybothering us, we can have effective and meaningfulconversations with our spouse. We can be genuine,honest, and open with each other. And we candiscover that much of the pain we feel in ourrelationship is actually our past emotionalhistory coming back to haunt us.If you’re planning on getting married someday, beaware of what your emotional issues are. And ifyou don’t know what your issues are, you may bethe most likely candidate for a divorce down theroad.3.Be Kind, Not Right—We tend to have a tremendousstake in showing our loved ones that we’re right.An enormous amount of time is wasted in ourrelationships by arguing over who’s right orwrong.This excessive arguing is just an indication of our low self-esteem. A much easier and more effective way to be in a relationship is to commit to kindness. When you’re kind, you don’t need to be right. And it’s mucheasier for others to be with you!There certainly are both justifiable divorces and“well-done” divorces that are respectful of thekids involved. But the number of divorcesinvolving childish and irresponsible decisionsbased on self-interest is staggering.Children deserve more than this. To allow a systemto continue that has half of our kids witnessingtheir parent’s divorce is to turn our backs on ourmost precious commodity.It’s time to consider alternatives. Let’s look athow we can spend more time educating and trainingyoung people about relationship skills andemotional intelligence. Let’s look at the factthat in about 80% of the divorces in this country,only one of the participants (usually the woman)wants to end the marriage. Can we keep no-faultdivorce as it is?And most importantly, let’s look at our ownattitudes about commitment and decide what we wantto do.Because the cost of not doing these things isbeyond measure. Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com